How to recognize and deal with manipulation in relationships (2023)

Have you ever been in a relationship where you thought your partner had put a "spell" on you?

And not the good kind of spell, like the one that allows you to have superpowers, but a spell that apparently made you do things that you weren't entirely convinced were consistent with what you were doing, see for yourself?

Could it be that you have been manipulated in your relationship?

Manipulation in relationships is subtle, so it's hard to tell when it's happening.

Related reading:20 signs of emotional manipulation in relationships and how to deal with them

What is manipulation in relationships?

What does manipulation mean in a relationship?

Psychological manipulation was defined by social and clinical graduate students. psychologist Arrastrar. Harriet Brakeras a form of social influence. Your goal is to change the behavior or perception of others using various tactics.

Manipulation refers to controlling or influencing someone to do something they don't want or not to do something they want.

Common Manipulation Tactics

Have you ever wondered, "Am I being manipulated?" but you are not sure?

Manipulators use differentManipulative tactics in relationshipsmanipulate the other person and influence their decisions. These may be the following manipulation techniques in relationships:

• violent
• misleading
• furtive

who pulls your strings: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life by Dr. Braiker provides exciting insights for recognizing and finally ending the cycle of manipulation.

Manipulative behavior in relationships is part of an emotionally abusive pattern. The handler usedunhealthy relationshipManipulation tactics to control your partner.

It is difficult for the person being manipulated to see or confront, as it is not overt abuse visible to the outside world like physical violence. They just know something is wrong with their treatment.

Related reading:healthy relationships vs. Unhealthy: how to distinguish?

15 signs of manipulation in a relationship

Not sure how manipulation works? Let's look at some signs of manipulation in marriage or relationships.

• Your partner controls

The need for total control is a red flag and the number one sign of a manipulative relationship.

Does your partner usually dictate when and where they see you? You have to stick to their schedule, and when you suggest an alternative, they sulk, get angry, or freeze under the silent treatment.

This is important adviceHow to recognize manipulation in relationships?

Also try:Relationship Management Quiz

• feel guilty

Inducing guilt in someone can cause a lot of distress. The fault is known affect our conscious and subconscious.

The manipulative partner uses guilt to get you to do certain things that you may not like.

in a normalhealthy relationship, Decisions are discussed and weighed by the two of you. You spend time analyzing the intricacies of all of life's major decisions; In a manipulative relationship, the manipulator makes the decision unilaterally.

If you express a disagreement, they will try to get you to agree with their decision.

For example, the clerk wants you to sign for his car loan. He doesn't feel comfortable being responsible for such a large financial commitment and tries to explain himself.

The manipulator will refuse to listen to you and will interrupt you with guilty pleas, which is a classic sign of manipulation in a relationship.

• Use emotional blackmail to maintain the relationship.

Suppose you have realized the unhealthy nature of your relationship. You decided to finish it. But when you broach the subject of breaking up, your partner says that if you leave, he will kill himself.

Unfortunately, threatening to commit suicide is another typical behavior in a manipulative relationship. Combine a surge of control, fear, and guilt to make you stay.

Even if it is difficult for you, do not be fooled by this threat. Tell your partner that if they are having suicidal thoughts they should contact a suicide hotline or a therapist. You can't be that person for them.

Related reading:How to deal with emotional blackmail in a relationship

4. Gas lighting

handlingis a verb used to describe someone who psychologically manipulates someone to the point of questioning their own sanity. That's a terrible thing for someone you claim to love. This can make them disoriented, crazy, and emotionally unstable.

The signs of gaslighting are:

• tell blatant lies
• don't keep your word
• Verbally or physically assaulting things you love (for example, your children)
• Use of positive reinforcement after verbal contempt as a method of confusion
• Projecting their faults onto you (for example, they have a secret affair, but they will project that guilt by constantly accusing you of being unfaithful)
• Denying the truth even when evidence is presented.
• Turn your friends or family against you
• Telling others that you are a liar

Research shows that1 in 4 womenand 1 in 9 men experience intimate abuse leading to anxiety,post traumatic stress disorderand using a victim service such as a hotline. Gaslighting is a form of abuse commonly used to manipulate and control a spouse.

5. Isolation from friends and family

in abrazilian studyAs for the biggest unhappiness factors in relationships, jealousy was common among couples about to break up. Harmful jealousy does not necessarily mean that the spouse is jealous of someone who flirts with their partner. No, an abusive spouse may even be jealous of her friends and family.

Abusers and manipulators often use the isolation method to control you.

They will isolate you from your close friends, refuse to let you go out with them, and may even try to push you away from where your family lives.

If you don't have the support of friends and family, it's harder to get out of an abusive relationship. You don't have constant reassurance from loved ones that your partner isn't treating you right.

The more your spouse separates you from your friends and family, the easier it will be for you to control him.

Related reading:How to get out of an abusive relationship and start over

6. Using love as a weapon

The oxytocin released from physical intimacy, whether it's holding hands, making love, or just snuggling on the couch, has been shown toencourage bondingand make partnersmore confidentfrom one to another.

These are beneficial traits for spouses in a healthy relationship, but for those in a toxic relationship, they can actually do more harm than good. Trusting and emotionally clinging to a partner who doesn't want the best for you can leave you in a toxic relationship for longer than it should.

Having these strong emotions connected can also make it easier for your partner to use your love for her against you. Phrases like "If you loved me, would you..." and "You said you would do anything for me" become distorted forms of control.

7. Play the victim

Emotional or physical blackmail is another common form of manipulation in relationships.

You might think that most people don't have devastating secrets to use as blackmail, but the truth is that technology has given couples plenty of ammunition to coerce their spouses.

Some examples of extortion are:

• "If you let me, I'll tell everyone the secret you told me"
• "If you don't do what I want, I'm going to send this naked picture of you to your boss and all your friends."
• "If you don't buy me this, I'll charge it to the credit card you gave me."
• "I will do THIS for you if you will do THIS for me"

A spouse may play the victim to place the blame on you and win the sympathy of friends and family. You can also use veiled threats: "If you let me, I'll kill myself. I would have nothing left to live for."

8. Constant accusations

Manipulators will often manipulate a person in their relationship to provoke arguments, as this gives the manipulator the control to prove the victim wrong.

To learn more about the signs of a manipulative personality, watch this video.

9. Mind Games

An emotional manipulator plays on the emotions of the victim to make her feel insecure and doubtful.

10damage material things

A manipulator is likely to ruin something meaningful to the victim just to make her sad and angry.

If this happens to you, you should know that it is an extremely toxic and intolerable pattern of behavior.

11. Make your partner jealous

Jealousy hurts the victim a lot, but the manipulators already know this, so they never miss an opportunity to make the victim jealous.

This type of rude behavior can be evident if your partner flirts with another girl in front of you or frequently compares you to strangers.

Related reading:Jealousy in marriage: causes and concerns

12. Pressure your partner to make decisions

The manipulator always pressures the victim in the relationship to make a decision. The manipulator never allows the victim to think about her decision because he likes to do things her way.

13. Your actions do not match your words

Emotional manipulators use flattering words to get the victim to trust them, but they never keep their word. When they break a promise, they always blame the victim.

14. Passive aggression

When a person is passive-aggressive, they don't express their negative feelings directly, but instead express them in small changes in behavior towards their partner. Passive aggression can be a form of manipulation.

15. Withdrawal

Another sign of an emotionally manipulative person is when they pull away from you so you'll acknowledge something you did against their will. They may stop answering your calls or messages to punish you for going back on your word.

How to deal with manipulation in a relationship

How to deal with manipulation in relationships or marriage?

In a relationship, one or both partners can be manipulative. How do you deal with manipulation in your relationship?If you wondered how to manipulate a manipulator in a relationship, then you should know that this is not the solution to the problem.

Lerknow what to do if you are the manipulator in your relationship.

When you realize that you are being manipulative in your relationship, there are several ways to stop this behavior and create a healthy connection with your partner.If you want to deal with manipulation in relationships, these tips may be helpful.

• self reflection

Identify some of the ways you control, fear, blame,gaslighting techniques, and other harmful tactics in your interactions with your partner.

Include your partner in this exercise and be willing to listen to their observations without getting defensive.

• Learn healthy ways to communicate

There are many resources to help you learn how to do this. communicateto build and maintain a healthy and balanced relationship. The Internet, personal therapists, and self-help books are good places to start.

3. Respect your partner's limits

Your partner is a separate person. If they don't agree with something you said, don't try to negotiate. Jump into a conversation to find out what's behind your feelings.

Related reading:Set healthy boundaries in a relationship

What to do if you are being manipulated

Use these strategies to show the manipulator that you can fight back:

• Say no. Don't negotiate if they use fear, guilt, or other manipulative tactics to get you to do something.
• Be firm with your limits.
• Set personal goals and stick to them.
• Do something to boost your self-esteem so that you don't seek approval from others.

If you feel like you are in a manipulative relationship, check out your codependency. Manipulative relationships are often also codependent relationships because the two behaviors work together.

Signs of a codependent relationship are:

• relying on the other person to make decisions
• Inability to identify or take ownership of their feelings, seeing themselves separated from their partner
• Seek constant validation from your partner
• bad self esteem
• Inability to trust your feelings and decisions.

If you find yourself in a codependent and manipulative relationship, seek help.

There are many resources to help you break these negative patterns and regain a strong self-esteem.

It pays to work so that you can have healthy and fulfilling relationships not only with your partner, but with the world in general.

Also try:Are you in a codependent relationship?

consequences of manipulation

Manipulation in a relationship can be confusing and lead to unresolved issues that spill over into other relationships and life decisions. Some consequences of manipulation are:

• end of relationship
• Distress
• Unresolved issues affecting quality of life
• codependency

Diploma

manipulation in relationshipsit is more common than you think. Signs of manipulation include blackmailing, controlling, or isolating a person from their friends or family, and using blame or cheating on their spouse to get what they want.